Like many Americans, I have an unhealthy relationship with food.  And for months (and months and months and month) I’ve been trying to pinpoint what exactly that even means.  I’ve been casually journaling what it going on emotionally when I feel those great desires to eat.  But, at this point I see no real pattern – and that’s what I am searching for. 

I desperately want to find a method to my madness.  An answer to my question – why am I overweight? An emotion or state of mind that triggers my eating behavior to go off course, would rest my anxious soul. 

But, all that I’ve found is that I like to eat in reaction to a broad range of emotions. 

I eat when I’m bored, when I’m stressed, when I’m depressed, when I’m celebrating, when I’m relaxed and when I have absolutely no reason to eat, at all.  

And, that just isn’t helpful.

Cause, unlike most addictions – you can’t quit food.

Now, I know what you’re thinking – homegirl, you just love food.  You’re right. I do.  I love the way chocolate awakens your senses and the way a hearty casserole fills you with warmth.  I love the way a crunchy salad changes your perspective.  And the way ice cream melts away your worries.

Recently, one of my new favorite bloggers, wrote a really incredible post called, “Peace with Food,” and it hit me – I need to find my peace with food.  I need more balance.

Balance is something the author also write about often.  The way she describes her current relationship with food, after losing a whopping 135 POUNDS (HALF HER BODY WEIGHT) is really inspiring. 

And, quite frankly, a little depressing.  Have you ever wanted something so badly, only to see someone else have it so gracefully, and then you find yourself depressed? Perhaps, even a little jealous?

That’s where I am. 

My desire to understand my eating habits, to find peace & balance in my eating behavior, to find the place where I can live fully with food as a friend, not an enemy, is overwhelming.  It takes over my brain and controls my thoughts. 

I am on this journey to the end, this time. Medifast is an amazing company, who is truly doing wonderful things to help people find their healthiness…and I am honored to work with them as I hit my goal.  The 5n1 plan works well with my body and lifestyle – and I know that I CAN do this. 

This is a lifestyle change, as Andie has shown me.  It goes beyond just hitting a number on a scale.  I want this to be something I can maintain.  I want this to be my new life. 

I crave to ability to find peace with food.

I have a 2009 Ford Edge.

 I love it.  Honestly, I  love nearly every.single.thing. about it.  I love how spacious the inside is.  I love how much room my kids have in the backseat.  I love that I can still reach my toddler in the back to hand her things. (At red lights. Obviously.) I love that I can  tote around just about anything in the trunk – it’s big. I love that when I take the car seats out, it feels hip & modern & trendy.

The Edge feels as if it were designed with me in mind.  Me…the relatively young (28) mom…the working mom…with two kids…two active kids…who TOTALLY DEPENDS on her car.  Want proof? It has some miles on it for a 2009 – like 40-something-thousand. Not a lot in terms of “car years” but a lot for a 2009.

What does it also have, you ask?  What do I not love about it?  It has A LOT OF FREAKING ISSUES for a 2009.   Perhaps, not every Ford Edge has issues, I can’t speak to them all.  But mine? DOES.

My husband says without freakin’ hesitation, whenever I bring it up, “THAT’S WHY YOU DON’T BUY AMERICAN CARS! – THEY ARE CRAP!”…as he gloats from his 2004 Accord that we have never put a penny into.  (It doesn’t help that I had a civic with 200,000 + miles on it before the Edge. That never needed anything more than an oil change. Perhaps, I’m just spoiled?)

I don’t want to believe him. I like buying American-made products.  I believe in the men and women that make up the manufacturing plants throughout this great country – my dad is one of them.  He’s a hard working man who takes pride in his job and the products he builds.  I like believing that Ford hires similar folks.  I see my dad when I think of those production plants. 

My dad wouldn’t let me down.

Ford?

I WANT WANT WANT to believe in you. 

But, dang…this car is only two years old.  And let me give you some of its history:

The LEMON, as my husband lovingly refers to it, has…

• An odd vibration noise in the engine that no one can get to the bottom of.  Whenever I go into second gear, the car sounds like it’s about to fall apart. That can’t be right, can it?  Yet, it still does it and has since the first week of ownership.
• The inside cover of my sunroof liner came off track.  The dealership we took it to called us to come get it & the car was still torn apart when we got there – and they didn’t have the parts to fix it.  And then they tried to make us pay for a rental car. (It was still under warranty.)  (Hello! Don’t take the car apart if you don’t have the parts to fix it. It was a sunroof problem.  I could have brought it back.  Is checking for parts BEFORE THE CAR IS APART too much to ask?!)
• A rear reverse light has a short in it – I have gotten it fixed twice – but now it’s broken again…and wait for it…IT’S NOT UNDER WARRANTY ANYMORE! So, I don’t have a reverse light on one side. It’s awesome. Clearly, while under warranty, the problem was never fixed properly. Asked the dealer about it? Apparently it’s not their problem.  And now I have to pay to get it fixed. AWESOME.
• The FORD emblem fell off after about a week of owning the car, they fixed it. They fixed it!
• Shortly thereafter, the rubber lining along my rear passenger side door came off.  The car was new. They fixed that, too.
• The battery and terminal cable practically blew up last week – without a real explanation from anyone. That being said, it cost me over $700 for a new battery and a cable.  Now that I know how much Ford charges,  for relatively simple fixes, I’ll be looking into a garage that charges REAL prices, not SUPER INFLATED ones.  How long do you think it takes a FORD mechanic to change a battery in one of Ford’s best selling cars?  It takes my father in law about 20 minutes.  A Ford dealer recently sent me this link.  The last point really hit home.
• The service at another local dealership was really stellar – I mean that in the most sarcastic way humanely possible. When they were fixing my car after someone hit me in a snowstorm last winter – they just closed the doors to their auto body department with my car inside and didn’t call me for about a week while I sat around thinking my car was being fixed. It was awesome.  Shouldn’t there be standards of car for all Ford dealerships and Ford auto body shops? Shouldn’t all Ford dealerships be created equal?
• Don’t get me started on FORD Roadside Assistance.  They came to get my car a few days before Christmas (when the battery died) and couldn’t get the car into neutral to get it out of my garage.  In an attempt to get it into neutral manually, (which I’ve been told should be do-able) the tow truck driver used a knife and scraped my car near the gear shift.  It’s not horrible, but it’s the icing on my ra-ra buy American cake, let me tell ya.
• Said tow truck driver from Ford Roadside Assistance was unsuccessful and decided he had to DRAG my car, in park, out of my garage, with the front tires locked…ALL THE WAY UP ONTO HIS TRUCK.  Does that sound good for your alignment? It can’t be. There were rubber marks on the driveway, from the dragging.  Did anyone volunteer a free alignment because of it? Nope.  Did anyone check my alignment, which is now OFF – shockingly!? Nope. 

The list goes on, but my blood pressure won’t let me type any more.   I’m just tired of dealing with issues.  I feel like we have constantly needed something worked on with the Edge, over the last two and a half years.  And, it’s exhausting. 

In Ford’s great defense - they got involved a few weeks ago when I tweeted until my fingers bled about my disappointment.  First, Ford headquarters stepped in and then the dealership.  I wasn’t expecting a response when I began tweeting, so to them I nod my head.  They respect The Twitter.  I like that. 

Earlier this week, after some back and forth, they offered me a rebate on the recent $700 + battery and cable issue – so I’m anxiously awaiting a check for roughly $280 to appear in my mailbox.  And for that I am incredibly grateful.  The week of Christmas was not the time for that bill to hit & Ford stepped up and took some of the blow out of it. 

BUT, my engine still vibrates, my alignment is still off, my rear reverse light is still out and my faith in American made cars?

Is teetering.

And, from the sound of things on Twitter, I’m not alone.

Welp, the first week on Medifast is over and I must admit – I couldn’t be more excited to see it go.  Unfortunately for me, I get hit with not one, but three reactions to entering Ketosis – headaches, general grumpiness and lack of sleep.  (Read also: unfortunately for my family) Fortunately, after the first week those symptoms seem to fade. 

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My son is in a phase.  And, it’s one that I don’t particularly care for.

If we’re being honest, phases like this make me think I’m not quite cut out for this gig.  I mean, perhaps I’m not cut out for adulthood, either.  I was sort of thrust into it, at 19, when I had him.  I never really had the typical learning curve.  I was handed a boy and called a mom and said goodbye to my childish things and ways.  I put down some dreams and picked up some new ones.  I landed on my feet, a lot, by the grace of God and the strength of my parents.  But, perhaps, I’m not qualified for a pre-tween at only 28.

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Resolution.

Some people cringe at the sound of the word but personally, I like them.  Who doesn’t need goals?  Who doesn’t need something to keep them focused on what is truly important in their life?  Who wouldn’t like to look back on a year and check things off and say, I did that?  That’s what resolutions are to me…just a little word that keeps me focused on what this year should look like on December 31, 2012.  

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“DEAR EDITOR: I am 8 years old.
“Some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus.
“Papa says, ‘If you see it in THE SUN it’s so.’
“Please tell me the truth; is there a Santa Claus?

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