On Toddlers & Faith.
I have spent a great deal of time over the last few days thinking about my spirituality. I feel like it just isn’t being fed, if you know what I mean. I reflect back on when I really felt in touch with my faith and I am reminded of a time not that long ago when yoga was part of my weekly routine.
The meditations that yoga led me to were feeding my desire to sit with my Lord and really listen to how He was speaking to me. In those meditations I was able to be present and truly open my heart to all the things the Lord and I were working on. I could free of my mind of the struggles that life include and let my inner eye focus on the face of my Lord. I was present with Him. We were together. And, I was ready to face anything.
Even if it was just for 20 or 30 minutes a day, it felt good and Holy and right. And it directed my life in a way that felt like we (He and I) were doing things together, in unisom. I was finally allowing Him to direct my life.
But, life got busy and schedules got challenging – and yoga got dropped. And then my daily meditations at home stopped. And then I began to notice that I was leaving church feeling less than full. This weekend, when I chose to skip mass for the first time in quite some time, I caught myself saying, it’s not like I even get anything out of church, all I do is chase a toddler, feed a toddler and entertain a toddler. Even if the statement is true, it’s a hard pill to swallow.
Is it possible that my toddler is cramping my spiritual growth?
We sit in the back of church, in the “cry room” as it’s often referred, behind a glass screen, where toddlers can’t disrupt the other families during mass. We sit and try our best to focus as one feisty toddler asks to go for walks and get drinks. We pretend to be listening when she’s asking for food and shows us her dolls. We bow our heads to pray as she whispers songs in our ears.
So, are we getting anything out of mass?
Now, I know we could take her to the church nursery. But in order to that, you have to volunteer to work in the nursery twice a month. And let’s be clear on one thing – time is a luxury in my life. And, quite frankly, I don’t want to be spending my time with anyone else’s kid. I don’t see my own enough as it is. And, I’m not a big fan of nursery’s anyway. Call me paranoid, but they make me nervous. And they guaranteed my son was soon to be sick – and like time, sickness is also a luxury we can’t afford. There is too much to be done.
So, then we’re left deciding if we should split up for mass? Does the husband goes alone or with the boy and I stay home and then I go when they get back and they stay home with the toddler?
But, then I’m left wondering if it’s right to split us up for mass, which feels like it should be celebrated as a family? And, is it right to not take the toddler to church? It feels like she should be there.
We still don’t know what to do.
But, you can bet that I’ll be bringing it to the table tonight with the Lord when I begin my nightly meditations again.
Do you take your toddler to church with you? Do you feel inspired by the time you spend with your faith?