2nd grade.
The boy is officially a second grader. It still seems impossible to me.
I could feel my anxiety rising the night before the first day of school, as I tossed & turned in bed. And in the morning? I felt all hurried and behind as we fell subconsciously into our routine again. It was unfamiliar, yet homey, as we took turns brushing teeth and fixing hair.
His crisp white polo, uniform shorts and bright white shoes were the highlight of the morning, beaming against his tanned summer body. I knew this would be the last time he looked that prepared all year and I laughed as I caught him wipe his mouth at the table with his fresh, white shirt.
There was something different about him this year. Perhaps, it was just the absent wheelchair from the first day of first grade? But I think it was something more…
This year, I could picture him in 8th grade. I could see him entering high school. I found myself imagining him taller than me as I took that picture on our doorstep. How much longer would he let me do this? As he rolled his eyes and said “Moooooooomm,” I took shot after shot.
I tried hard not to let anxiety take over me as I pulled into the school’s parking lot to say goodbye. This exact routine was often the trigger for my anxiety attacks just one year ago. He had made it clear before we pulled in that he wanted to walk in alone. That seems to be ’norm’ these days…
I had to force myself back into the moment, stopping before I went any further, just trying to live in the moment.
Being intent.
In this moment, my not-so-little boy was entering 2nd grade. And, while I ached thinking of the time that was speeding by, I forced myself to thank God for the time that was right now. I watched as he ran up to the front door, solidifying his position on independence, space and growth. And, just when I thought he was going to race inside, he turned around and smiled.
And mouthed, “I love you.”
I have a feeling I’ll be watching is back a lot in the coming years. And, I’ll be feeling left behind. As I battle with myself not to fear the future, I can’t help but think that time is my only enemy.
But right now? I am putting enemies aside. Right now I am focusing on the little boy that looked back.
I love you too, my sweet baby boy.
37 comments
What a sweet, precious young man!!
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So sweet. I'm glad though that I have some time left. Good job staying in the moment hon.
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This? Had me crying at work today. Great post.
Ok…still crying.
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momnom Reply:
August 27th, 2010 at 2:33 pm
He's a heartbreaker, that boy. He jknows just how to melt a woman's heart.
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Absolutely precious! He turned around!!! I love it.
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momnom Reply:
August 27th, 2010 at 2:33 pm
I couldn't believe I was lucky enough to get a photo, I was holding my phone up to get his back. It was priceless.
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oh tiff now i am crying again
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momnom Reply:
August 27th, 2010 at 2:34 pm
Isn't he the cutest?
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debbie Reply:
September 6th, 2010 at 10:25 pm
he is just awesome
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soo sweet. you've done well, mom.
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momnom Reply:
August 27th, 2010 at 2:34 pm
He clearly understands women, already.
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What an amazing post. I think you will get a lot of tears from that one. Sad, happy, joyful, and sorrowful tears because we are all right there with you. We all have that moment, and you put it perfectly in words. Thank you!
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momnom Reply:
August 27th, 2010 at 2:34 pm
Thanks Lynda!
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geez, with the tear jerker posts lady. you are so lucky. cherish this time.
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momnom Reply:
August 27th, 2010 at 2:34 pm
Oh, I am. I am working hard to cherish every moment with him. He melts me everyday.
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Awwww!!! i love it and I'm so glad for you all and how far he has come. That's so wonderful. And what's my favorite? That he turned and said he loves you. ::hugs::
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momnom Reply:
August 27th, 2010 at 2:36 pm
We spent the morning talking about how much difference one year makes, it was amazing.
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your heart is so beautiful! the turn back & "i love you"? you've raised a great son… i love this post…
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momnom Reply:
August 27th, 2010 at 2:36 pm
Thanks Becca, I can't take all the credit, but he IS pretty spectacular.
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Oh it won't be long before you will be watching him leave for college…looking back…saying, "Love ya, Mom!"
Come by when you can…
http://www.frugaltractormom.blogspot.com
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What a wonderful post, and sweet little boy! Love this!
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momnom Reply:
August 27th, 2010 at 2:36 pm
He is so sweet…and also not. In the most perfect of ways.
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OH what a sweet little man! I have total goose bumps… mine aren't quite school aged yet, and I find myself looking forward to, and dreading, when that time comes.
Beautiful post!
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momnom Reply:
August 27th, 2010 at 2:37 pm
School days does seem to come with some sort of anticipation and dread combination. It's a strange bird.
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What a beautiful little boy. He sounds like ones of those kids that will keep on loving this mother long after most of his other schoolmates are warding off kisses from their parents. Good job mama. What a lovely way to start the school year.
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momnom Reply:
August 27th, 2010 at 2:37 pm
I sure hope so. I always make him promise to keep me his #1 friend.
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Well you are raising one amazing boy! He is so lucky to have you as a mom.
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momnom Reply:
August 27th, 2010 at 2:37 pm
Thank you dear! He is really amazing. I'm so proud of him.
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You've done a great job raising him and your daughter. So sweet of him to remember to tell you he loves you at the most unexpected moment!
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momnom Reply:
August 27th, 2010 at 2:38 pm
Clearly he understands women already. LOL.
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Jeesh, is right. That boy? He's got women wrapped & he doesn't even know it. Breaking heart.
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Those data sheets get me all emotional occassionally too. I totally understand. =)
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They grow up so fast! Great Post!
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momnom Reply:
August 31st, 2010 at 9:50 am
They do – it blows right past you – its exciting and sad, all at once.
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Tagged you and passed on an award. Swing by and grab them when you get a sec.
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momnom Reply:
August 31st, 2010 at 9:50 am
Hey Sara, do you have a link? I'd love to check it out! Thanks dear!
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Thanks!
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