I’m on a Journey…
Over the last year I have been through a great deal, I think we can all agree on that. But recently, I have started to feel myself come alive again.
I’ve experienced emotions and moments that would have rushed past me just a mere two or three months ago. I am starting to feel like my life is coming back to me & my journey is finally beginning.
Where this journey will take me, I can’t say. But I know that my life is changing. Something inside of me has changed. I don’t know if it was the PTSD that changed me or if it was the spirituality that saved me from the depression that followed. Whatever it is, I am soaking it in. I am lapping up the delicious goodness of self-discovery.
I have set a series of goals {if you would call them that} that I think will help me on this journey. And, I’m being VERY realistic in my approach. I’ve learned to accept that nothing happens overnight. That my being can’t change in a whim – and quite frankly, I don’t think I want it to. I can honestly say that I have experienced the life changing result of Post Traumatic Stress. And, I can say those changes didn’t happen overnight & I’m glad they didn’t.
- I want to learn more about my body. Really & truly understand my crazy brain and how it functions. I want to listen to my body and understand what it is telling me. I am going to begin Yoga next week & I am really looking forward to where that once a week class takes me. The act of meditation is consuming my mind lately. I am itching to be able to empty my mind “and let God rush in,” if you will. I feel exceptionally called to this…and I can’t explain it. It’s profound really.
- I want to learn about what I put into my body. If I’m listening to it, truly listening, it is telling me what it needs to be healthy. I want to put things into my body that support my mind. And my spirit. And, I think the best way to do this is to understand the results of haphazardly eating anything you feel inclined to. Some of my journey will clearly be about self-denial.
- I am cleaning the clutter and distractions out of my life. Starting within my home, I am slowly but steadily taking the clutter out of my home, physically. I am purging my life of all of the things that are there, causing me distress. I am embracing the beauty in living simply, and not just simply living.
- I want to continue my journey of living intentionally. I want to find myself present in everyday tasks like vacuuming floors and cooking dinner. I want to find myself living intentionally when I’m on the floor with my kids and I want to find myself working with purpose when I am sitting at my desk. Even after a few short days of living a life of intention…I can tell I need more of it. This drug of intention has filled me & fueled me…and I am excited to see where we go.
- I want to work on something bigger than myself. {And I am working on it.} I promise, as soon as I have it figured out – you will all know. I’m truly excited about this venture and I cannot wait to invite you to join me on this part of the journey.
I have a truly blessed life. I know that. And this is not me wanting to change it. This is me wanting to life it fully. I want to lay my head down at night in peace and know in my heart that God gave me this day and I made the most of it. The first few days of this journey have ignited something within me that I thought was gone. A light that I was certain had dimmed and died. I am feeling rejuvenated by its presence.
I hope you can feel this change creeping through your screen. I have been meditating alone, in my floor before bed {with absolutely no training and no idea what I’m doing} and I have been starting my meditations with each of you. I’ve focused my energy on thinking of each of you happily on your journey with me.
Personally, my children, are at the center of this rebirth. This journey. Their presence has lit the flame & I am confident that the decisions I make in the coming year will ensure their happiness, now & in the future. That idea it feels like I am doing something for my family, positive, for the first time in a long time.
What can I do to make this experience interactive? How can I help you find what you are looking for? We have to keep the energy moving between us. And, I am open to ideas. I am grateful to the commenter’s who shared their stories and expressed their desire to live intentionally.
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Let's do this. And let the people in your life know you are doing it. I told my husband and he was very honest and sincere when he said he wanted to travel this journey with me as well. So now? I have a team. Making it public, makes it real. At least for me…
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Relatively new reader here, so I'll have to search through the archives a bit.
Good luck on your journey. Sounds like you're well on your way!!
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momnom Reply:
August 19th, 2010 at 2:13 pm
I love hearing from new readers! Thanks for commenting. The best place to read will be over on my sidebar – Must Reads. It will all make sense after that. LOL
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I completely feel like I'm on this journey as well. I'm not happy where I am. I know I'm blessed but it's time for change, it's time to move forward. I can't wait to see where we both end up on this journey! Honestly that's why I started blogging, I needed a place to document and get out what I'm really feeling, going through, and actually see the steps I'm taking. I wish you ALL the best! I'm with you!
Mrs. O
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momnom Reply:
August 19th, 2010 at 2:14 pm
Good Luck to you then as well. Blogging is a great way to put it all out there and hold yourself accountable. And then, on days when it seems hard, you can go back and re-read to find your motivation…
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I started this same journey about 6 months ago – when I decided to quit smoking after 15+ years. It is good that you are not rushing this… it does take time, I still feel like i have just begun. I started with a beginners class to yoga. It was a once a week class for newbies. It was great because it taught me the PROPER positioning for many yoga positions. I would highly suggest this to you – so that once you begin in earnest, you know that you are doing it correctly and thus, can fully appreciate the positions. Also, I find that I am progressing quickly and getting stronger b/c I am doing the moves correctly.
Anyway – I have been going through this journey as well – food, stuff, exercise, yoga, cooking, baking, embroidery, etc. I look forward to see where this leads you!
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momnom Reply:
August 19th, 2010 at 2:15 pm
First off, I am SO happy to hear you quit smoking! That, in itself, deserves a great big standing ovation! I am so excited about yoga & learning more about the positions and all of the relaxation methods involved in meditation.
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I really, really love the idea of living with intention. I can't tell you how often I just go through the motions of things that I "have" to do, rather than living through them. Even the little things, like vacuuming as you said, are things to savor and be present in, rather than thinking about the next thing on the list. Ultimately, I really think what you're after is to work on yourself first, and to know that the rest will fall in line. For me, I often feel so powerless in the things that just happen TO me rather than feeling like I have a say. When you work on yourself first, to improve and shape how you feel and react, I think everything else will just fall into place. Great post—thanks for the inspiration!
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momnom Reply:
August 19th, 2010 at 2:16 pm
I found myself going through the motions so mindlessly that I was missing out on things my children said and did. I was having complete conversations with my husband, nodding along, and not retaining any of the information…it was seriously time for change. Working on myself will help everyone I come in contact with, I am certain of it.
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Jill Reply:
August 22nd, 2010 at 6:28 am
YES! I have done the same thing. It's sad to think back to all I have missed, and all that everyone else, especially my Husband and children, since I was so down.
"Working on myself will help everyone I come in contact with, I am certain of it." Soooo true!
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There are lots of online meditaion tutorials and interactive activities. Maybe you could have a day where you give an example of one small step towards living intentionally or one meditation activity and those participating can do the activity and then link back their experience with it…
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Tiffany @ MomNom Reply:
August 19th, 2010 at 9:12 pm
That's a great idea! Thanks Sara!!!
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Sara Reply:
August 20th, 2010 at 12:02 pm
No problem. I thought of something else last night but of course have since forgotten it!
Also I'm passing out awards today, come grab yours if you get a sec!
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You put into words what I have been thinking about lately. I'm almost done reading Eat Pray Love which really got me thinking. So, yes, I'm here too. Let's do this.
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I recently started reading your blog and after laughing hysterically and then weeping through your terrifying experience I had to add you to my reader. We recently went through a series of life changes, moving to a new state, working opposite hours and in different towns from my hubby, going back to work at a new job after 10 months as a stay at home mom…etc…and my anxiety was at an all time high. I have found myself now in a slump but am slowly really living life again. I have to say my faith and the new church we've started attending has been my rock. Our pastor recently spoke about living with the holy spirit and that if you were truly letting Him lead you than you would see those things like peace and patience, love and kindness manifest themselves in ever area of life. Realizing I was not anywhere near living that way really allowed me to open myself to what God wants for me and my family and almost instantly my anxiety melted away. It's been difficult but I know I need to live intentionally and so I am so excited to go on this journey with you! You will certainly be in my prayers and I can't wait to keep reading!
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That sounds awesome. Please share your journey with us because it's quite inspirational, I think you might ignite the same in all of us who have been thinking about it!
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Tiffany @ MomNom Reply:
August 19th, 2010 at 9:12 pm
Thanks dear! I appreciate it. Really.
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Incredible how the Lord is working on so many of us today, to spur us forward, to take anew step, to find joy and happiness again, to share our story to help others heal. God is amazing and I can't wait to see whay amazing things He does for you and for me!
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Tiffany @ MomNom Reply:
August 19th, 2010 at 9:13 pm
Thanks Krista. It has been amazing. There are days when it seems to be impossible, but most days are better than the one before.
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hey get in touch with me if i can i would love to go yoga class with you
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Tiffany @ MomNom Reply:
August 19th, 2010 at 9:14 pm
Tuesdays at 7:10 p.m. up by my house.
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I love you. I really do. You've written what I want to do, but haven't had the courage to put into words thus far. So I'll follow along, and gain inspiration along the way.
Also? Change your feeds to full, jerk.
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momnom Reply:
August 20th, 2010 at 3:19 pm
I love you too. And, I'm looking into the feed situation. =)
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I've recently taken an honest look at myself and decided that I'm not a fan of the person I've become. So much that I decided to embark on the Love Dare and, admittedly, I have fallen off on the path for a few weeks (soooo much stuff happened and I didn't feel like I could go through with it). But God reminded me, once again, ever so faithfully, that "There has never been the slightest doubt in my mind that the God who started this great work in you would keep at it and bring it to a flourishing finish on the very day Christ Jesus appears." – Philippians 1:6 (The Message)
So I am taking the challenge up again. I love my family too much to let the worst of me, get the best of us. Blessings to you as you go on your journey! May God's guidance and strength fuel you always.
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momnom Reply:
August 20th, 2010 at 3:19 pm
Take up the challenge with me! It's not easy. I've fallen off my horse and gotten back on already! But, I know we can do it!
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great job friend!!!
i think too many of us get caught up in everyone else we forget to stop and take care of ourselves…it's the 'well one day i'll get around to me'….and then it's too late!
keep ur head held high!
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momnom Reply:
August 20th, 2010 at 3:20 pm
Thanks Laura! I couldn't agree more. I appreciate your support.
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This is such an inspirational post— I think I love the idea of living intentionally the best! As I come back from my depression–I wonder every day if my up and down feelings are regular sadness, or the really low moments creeping back in. That constant wondering made me realize how important it was to communicate with others–but also with myself in a way that kept me balanced-and realistic. xo
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momnom Reply:
August 20th, 2010 at 3:21 pm
I wonder daily too,but I think it's part of the journey. I think it's natural and essential. I can't wait to hear more from you and how you're doing in your path to intentional living as well.
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Thanks for sharing the link! I am looking forward to reading more!
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I have been there, and believe the journey to discovering ourselves never ends. Good luck, and I will be following your story. I am here from Bloggy Moms and by blog is My Heart's Desire @ http://lynishiskid.blogspot.com
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momnom Reply:
August 25th, 2010 at 10:23 am
Lynda, love your blog, thanks for sharing!
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I'm new to your site, so bear with me while I "catch up" on things, but I wanted to wish you good luck on your journey. I unfortunately must begin my own journey, so maybe we can help each other through it all.
Although, on a side note, is Bubette a nickname to keep your daughter's name private? I honestly thought it was her actual name, but after seeing you call your son Bub, I am probably wrong.
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momnom Reply:
August 25th, 2010 at 10:24 am
HAHA. No, there names are not Bubs & Bubbette. Just cute little nicknames I use in the home & on the blog. Love meeting new readers – thanks fo leaving a comment!
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Thanks Brittany! I can feel change coming too, for all of us. It really does mean SO much to me to have the support of others. We can't do this living thing alone, ya know.
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Stick around – there are some exciting things coming for all of us PTSD survivors. I'm so glad you found me.
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Thank you for this inspiration. I've fallen back down this week after some upsetting news and you've just reminded me that this is hardly the end of the world for me. It's just another bump. Another struggle that I will conquer.
Thank you for reminding me to finish living my day. And I'll take it one day at a time.
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momnom Reply:
August 26th, 2010 at 2:48 pm
Oh darlin', we all fall back. Sometimes often in one day. If I've learned anything in the last year, it's that we have to find the beauty and strength in the getting back up, to keep us going. Living intenionally in every moment, of everyday is one great way to do that. =)
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I have been there and still continue on my journey. I am starting a new challenge within myself. I started yesterday. Know that you are not alone, i have done each one of the things you listed.
much love to you
april http://www.beliefinus.wordpress.com
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momnom Reply:
August 26th, 2010 at 2:51 pm
Hi April, there is something invigorating about starting anew, isnt' there? Goodluck on your journey! I'm so glad to have you following along in mine!
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