Shit My Kid Says
I am sure I’m not alone when I say I think my kid is the funniest kid on the plant.
Don’t we all?
But, in all honesty, this kid is freakin’ funny. (And, subsequently asks way too many questions.)
Like just the other day Mr. B was spelling a curse word (because that is what we have done for the last seven years AND IT HAS WORKED) and Bubs turns around, looks at me and calmly begins to sound out the word and says…
He still doesn’t think I can spell shit, huh?
ZOMG. What just happened? Who thought it was a good idea to teach our children to spell? With one swoop the boy won our families seven year spelling bee…just.like.that.
shit.
Or, a few weeks ago, when we were riding bikes and I was in front of him. He proceeded to say…
Mom, why is your seat so little?
(I’ll pause while you wrap your brain around what he was suggesting…because it took a few minutes for me to feel the sting as well.)
::Insert picture of my fat ass swallowing the seat.::
Laugh.
Okay, now, stop laughing. It’s not THAT funny.
I calmly told my loving son that it isn’t polite to remark about ones “seat”, literally or figuratively, especially when the seat belongs to a woman. He nodded…and had no idea what he just did or what I just said.
Or, six months ago when driving in the car. I accidentally on purpose, slightly cut someone off. And, Mr. B accidentally slightly on purpose whispered, “dick move.”
And then Bubs said….
Yea mom, that was a dick.
I mean, what??
He acted like he had no idea what he said. He gave me the bambi eyes and apologized as I screamed strongly suggested he never use that word again, lest he wants to eat soap for dinner. FOR A WEEK.
Or, about a year and a half ago, when he was asking about his nether regions…(he’ll thank me for telling this story to world, someday, I am certain.)
Mom, what are these balls? Are they full of pee…just waiting to get out?
Yes.
Yes son…they are.
We’ll see who gets the last laugh.
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36 comments
LOL. Awesome. I knew I liked you for a reason.
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That was GREAT! My morning was starting out pretty rough…until I read your post. Now, I have a smile on my face and am ready to start my day. Very funny…I’ll be passing it along.
Jessi
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ahhahaha “are these balls full of pee just waiting to get out?”
THank you for making me pee. haha
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thanks for making me spit out my morning coffee!! those snippits are equal parts awesome and equal parts why i am terrified if i ever have a boy!
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HILARIOUS. He’s quite the thinker, that’s for sure.
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thank you for my morning laugh! while my husband was working late last night, our 3yo son decided he wanted to know how a baby is born? yeah need to know basis answer, or ask dad to fill you in!
priceless!
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hahahahah – dang, we underestimate how smart kids are!! soon he’ll be joining in on the spelling, hoping he can get away with something too!
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Oh great! These are the conversations I get to look forward to! My son is 2 and I just posted today about his little cussing problem. Good to know what the future holds for us!
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So funny. Thanks for the chuckle this morning!
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holg god that made me laugh….
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I cannot wait to hear about the consequences of this story, as it can only get funnier.
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Awesomely funny! I love how kids just don’t hold back and they say exactly what they are thinking!
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Hilarious!! Great post for a Friday
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Oh my gosh! I died! Cracks me up!
You could totally make one on your own, but there are these journals at uncommongoods.com or amazon called “My Quotable Kid” so you can write all these down and save them!
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Hahaha!! so this is what I’m in for by being a “Boy Mom”, huh?
Awesome!
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Ok, I loved your post until the very end, when I realized that my sweet, young, NOT YET TALKING son has balls that he will one day ask me about. good god.
HAHAHAHAHA!
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HILARIOUS!!!
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This is the second time this week that I’ve had a good laugh at the expense of some poor mother and her son!
The first one went something like this:
(having lunch with a friend and her 11 year old son)
Son – “Mom”
Mom – “Yes, son”
Son – “I’m getting hair on my balls. Wanna see?”
I almost died right there at the table! She made me swear not to tell anyone because he would get too embarrassed… Shhhh… She’ll never know!
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ROFL !!!!! OH MY WORD! TOOOOOO funny!!
HAD to share this with my husband, who wasn’t too happy I disturbed his movie. Again. But he laughed his butt off too.
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Stopping by from the Friday Flip Offs blog hop. So glad you are in. You’re hilarious. Too FUNNY!! Ya gotta love the things kids say.
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that’s hilarious! and makes me think of “meet the parents” ash-hoooole. hahahaha
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hey, thanks for stoppin’ by my blog for friday flipoffs! great minds think alike…i’ve done a post called Crap My Kids Say….:)
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freaking hilarious lady! love this. thanks for the laughs!
cheers!
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I do think my kid is one of the funniest. I do have to admit defeat though. “Are they full of pee…just waiting to get out?” HILARIOUS!!
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I remember being young and fondling my nuts wondering what they were and why I had them. I learned quickly not to squeeze too hard. Ouch.
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Stopping by from the Friday Flip Off Blog Hop. I love your writing.
And, btw, my kids are the funniest in the world, bar none!!
Great stuff here!!
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That is funny! We really have to watch what we say! Kids pick everything up! Have a great rest of the weekend!
Mama Hen
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HILARIOUS!!! Balls full of pee just waiting to come out…I LOVE it.
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Precious. Hilarious.
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Holy cow that’s some funny s-h-i-t.
My daughter is only two but we’re starting with the zingers already. Most recently, after farting a loud, stinky one, “Mama, my butt makes bubbles. Dat’s silly.”
Glad to know it gets better as they age!
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Just stumbled on this and HAD to comment. I have the exact same kid. I swear. Sounding out the swear words, and then using them correctly in context! GASP! This is a true story. My husband and I were bickering in the garage about something. Our son was already strapped into his booster seat. He calmly looked at us both and said "shut the fuck up", then went back to sucking his thumb. We were speechless. Never corrected him or EVER mentioned it again. It was never repeated by my son. And, we couldn't figure out where he heard that phrase. OMG! Good times, eh?
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my little sister had a mad libs book i found, and she filled in some of the blanks with words like dick, tampon, thong, sex. she was 8. i've never laughed so hard in my life…..
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hee, hee, hee. too funny. bummer on losing your spelling privileges.
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[...] along the way, we’ve had some major laughs & serious [...]
Thanks for sharing the stories! It’s always fun to read about the crud kids say and do.
KidsAreCrud.com recently posted..Crud 88
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I remember when we were in Church and my daughter, who is now 35, made a funny statement. During Catholic Mass, when everyone turns to each other to shake hands and wish everyone peace, as in “may peace be with you”, my daughter turned to her sister and said “may the FORCE be with you!” We all chuckled….Star Wars anyone?
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