Guest Blog Week: the motherhood karma

With only two Guest Bloggers left next week (@the818 & @smonkyou),  I thought Friday would be the perfect day to introduce you to Mandy (@teammandy) at Harpers Happenings!

I am sure most of you already stalk follow Mandy, I mean, her daughter Harper has captured the hearts of MILLIONS, right? With her Icicle Bicycle  and Bubbesh internet-famous self. ::GUSHING::

I’ll pause while you a) follow b) watch videos c) calm the twinge in your ute urging you to procreate.

When Mandy is not tweeting about #wine #Harper or #narwhals, she is seriously blowing. readers.minds with “awesomesauce” on her blog.

An all-around amazing momma, social-media guru (even if she wouldn’t admit it) and rock-star wife…meet the lovely Mandy.

______________ 

i’m sure every kid had their “moments”. you know the ones where you were awful, disobeyed and were downright terrible. me? i had those moments, only they are called years.

my mama raised me all by herself, and i’m an only child. i hit the old puberty at age 9 (IF you know what i mean, and i think you do) and found myself by 6th grade being the tallest girl with giant boobs (which is funny now because i’m not tall, i just peaked early apparently). hormones a raging, i gave my mother the most horrible few years one could imagine. i sassed, i cried, i hated things. i would prod and poke at her until she broke.

“can i spend the night at stephanies?” (which ZOMG she hated because i would always ask in FRONT of said friend and moms HATE that.)

“maybe”

“that means yes”.

MY POOR MOTHER. i’d cut my own bangs (badly) and then lie to her when she asked me if i had (cause i thought she was blind?). i demanded to shop at nordstom, but got crappy grades. i’d tell her i didn’t have homework when i did. all the while she worked her ass off to get me things i wanted, she loved me anyways and would scratch my back every night while i was falling asleep. she made choices in her own personal life with regards only to how it would affect me. i apologize to her frequently for how i was. but she forgives me because i was a kid. her kid.

when i found out we were having a girl, i was immediately terrified. though i felt it was a girl the whole time, i was still immediately struck with thoughts of me screaming and pouting over not getting the newest pair of LA Gear. even though i had no idea what to do with a boy, i secretly thought i’d do better with one. but there we were, looking at our daughters profile and ahem, lady bits and i’m all “oh my good lord, karma is gonna GET ME”.

and you know what? it is and i’m confident it will. i already see Harper’s um, colorful, personality and she is only 18 months old. she knows what she likes and what she doesn’t and when she doesn’t like something? ooooh boy, she’ll let you know. sometimes i catch a glimpse of her with a face that looks exactly like one of mine and i flash forward 13 years and cringe. this is going to be hard. she is a little me. and for that i am scared shitless.

if you asked my mom, she’d say it was all worth it. she tells me often how proud she is of me, how happy she is with how i’ve turned out. i am the light of her life (her words) and she loves me unconditionally. and i have to believe that even if Harper gives me grief, even more grief than i gave my mama (heaven help us ALL), that we will come out on the other side with as close of a relationship as my mom and i have. doesn’t motherhood (or parenthood really) just make it all click suddenly? make you realize how wrong you were when surely, we knew EVERYTHING and were right ALL THE TIME? you are suddenly transported to your parents shoes and you see “oh. that is why they did that”. because they loved me. they loved me more than anyone can put into real words. we finally GET IT.

i can only hope i have the strength and understanding as my mom did. that even if (erm, when) Harper tells me she hates me, no matter how hard and deep it stings, that someday she will know where i was coming from. someday she will feel the overwhelming love i have for her. someday it will all make sense.